


soundproof

by baetokkis



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Other, Slow Burn, also irene is deaf, and there are alcohol issues mentioned along the way, kinda angsty too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:08:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25534102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baetokkis/pseuds/baetokkis
Summary: Irene is deaf, but that doesn’t stop her from supporting her best friend's dream of becoming a musician.Or, in which Irene's feelings were always at maximum volume while Seulgi's seemed to be on mute.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi
Comments: 16
Kudos: 99





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: there will be some heavy topics like alcoholism, depression, and child abuse, but i'll make sure to add the tw in those chapters.
> 
> so, this fic is very personal to me and after finishing writing it in my mother tongue, my friend insisted i should post it here, too. also, feel free to hmu on [twitter](https://twitter.com/tinyrene) :) i don't usually talk much about fics there but i'm always open to.
> 
> also huge thank u to [ursoulgi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ursoulgi/pseuds/ursoulgi) for beta-ing this ily <3
> 
> i hope y'all like it. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dialogues in _italic_ are asl (american sign language), phrases in **bold** are probably text messages or simply notes. just adding it here so it won't be confusing later :) enjoy!

There was a certain quietness in walking alone down the wide corridor that usually lead her to the high school classrooms. There was no one to look strangely at her, or to laugh. It was comforting, in a way, to not feel like she was being watched at every step.

So, Irene lifted her chin up, a shadow of a smile on her face as she made her way towards her destination. She held tightly onto the telescope pressed against her chest, scared to drop it by accident, and her backpack’s straps felt slippery on her shoulders, but still, it felt _good_ to walk that way and not feel like she had to look over her shoulder at every corner.

She was too tired to do it anyway, since she was carrying it around ever since she arrived at school early in the morning, searching for the other parts she’d need in order to finish it, and her body was just starting to show signs of exhaustion.

Irene bent down clumsily, struggling to put down both her prototype and backpack without damaging neither of them. To be honest, she still had no idea as to how her bag hadn’t ripped off yet, old as it was.

Breathless, she ran the back of her right hand over her sweaty forehead, drying it off casually on her jeans.

Once again, Irene adjusted her bag back where it belongs and clutched the telescope on her chest, moving straight to Mr. Choi’s classroom, the Physics teacher. Something similar to anxiety settled on her chest, and she hoped almost desperately that Mr. Choi was just as proud of her work as she was.

A glimpse down the hall later, Irene noticed she was just two doors away from where she wanted to be, but as quick as the smile quirked up the corners of her lips, her oxygen supply felt shallow of a sudden.

Joy Park was there, leaning against one of the lockers and eyes focused on her phone.

Irene squeezed the telescope firmly, trying to keep herself steady even if she was shaking. She knew Joy, she knew her friends, and most of all, she knew the things the girl was willing to do if that meant she’d keep her social status as it was.

And she hated it. She hated how familiar everything is, and nothing ever bothered her as much as _familiarity._ No matter how many years went by, or how many new classrooms were made – the school she studied at was a small one, and all students knew each other since kindergarten.

Sometimes, what Irene hated the most was living in such a small town, with only one school that was able to meet her needs and provide a good education. She wouldn’t be able to escape even if she had the conditions to do so.

There was no escape for Irene Bae. It was a bitter way to put things, she knew, but it fitted reality perfectly.

However, as she continued to walk toward Mr. Choi’s classroom, no cruel comments or jokes were made, and Joy Park remained where she was, not even sparing a glance at Irene, so she took the distraction to walk faster, that same anxiety as before settling back where it was.

And, soon, there it was – classroom 309.

Irene didn’t waste a minute before hurriedly entering it and putting the telescope on the teacher's desk, not waiting for him to greet her.

Mr. Choi was a black haired man with strong physical features, only a few gray strands pointing out he was around 40. His wide sharp jawline and intuitive eyes were probably the first thing Irene noticed about him.

Despite such coarse physical traits, his personality was the complete opposite. Perhaps, that’s exactly why Irene wanted so bad to surprise him, to make him _proud_ – it was rare to find someone like him, someone so open to her ideas. Someone who treated her nicely, like an equal, and not like she was some pity project they needed to take care of how some of the other teachers did.

Well, that and the fact that she desperately wanted to join advanced classes, of course.

Surprised, Mr. Choi raised an eyebrow, and Irene merely pointed with her chin at the object she brought, encouraging the man to take a better look at it.

And so he did. At first, he only removed his glasses, looking impressed, but didn’t say anything for a while.

The man ran his long fingers through the telescope as if he’d never seen anything so well-crafted and detailed. You could all the effort the girl had put in placing the pieces together, forming a prototype so beautiful it hardly seemed to be homemade.

Putting his glasses back on, Mr. Choi met Irene's bright eyes – eyes that were searching in agony for a sign of approval. After what seemed like an eternity, the teacher relaxed his face in a positive expression and Irene breathed a sigh of relief.

She saw the man’s mouth move slowly to form a sentence, so leisurely Irene would dare say he was in awe, but she didn’t try to decipher what his words were. She knew he was probably probably talking to himself one more time and he would translate what he said afterwards. She had noticed in previous meetings that he used to do this.

Finally, Mr. Choi removed his fingers from the telescope, a smile of satisfaction spread on his lips.

_“It looks_ _great_ _,_ _Miss Bae_ _._ _Is it functional?”_ He signaled, taking each gesture with a patience Irene had never seen before.

He had learned sign language not long ago, four years at most, and Irene remembered he’d mentioned when they first met that she was the second deaf person he’d ever talked to. His only daughter had lost her hearing in a car accident back then, forcing him to learn communication through signs. She died about a year later, just turned nineteen – her body couldn't out-stand the injuries the crash had caused.

However, even after all these years, Irene still noticed he hesitated sometimes, but she didn’t really mind. Irene, of all people, recognized that getting used to this form of dialogue and having a conversation was much more complicated than simply memorizing gestures.

She, for example, had taken months to be able to hold a conversation that did not consist of just two sentences with her own mother.

Seeming to be pulled back to reality, Irene nodded once she remembered she hadn’t answered the question.

_“Yes, sir, perfectly functional! I_ _was even able to see the Corona Borealis constellation with it!”_

_“I'm_ _glad,”_ stated Mr. Choi, looking delighted by the answer. _“I think you have proven yourself to be quite talented, Miss Bae.”_

_“Thank you very much, sir, I’ve been working hard,”_ she admitted, excited to realize where the conversation was headed.

_“I can tell,”_ the teacher said. He seemed to measure what to say next before adding a simple, _“How do you feel about stopping by my_ _advanced Physics class next Monday? We’ll have a short review about Kepler's laws.”_

_“Fantastic! Kepler's studies fascinate me beyond what I can_ _put into words_ _, Mr. Choi.”_ Irene beamed.

The girl happily picked up her backpack from the floor and put back in its place, leaving the telescope on the table so that Mr. Choi could better assess it when she was not around anymore.

She looked at the teacher with expectant eyes, waiting for him to say something.

_“You see, I’m not in full liberty to assure you anything, but I believe that if I talk to the school board there’s a great chance they’ll allow you to_ _join_ _the class for good,_ _even though you’re still an eight-_ _grader,”_ the man commented, still uncertain.

The corner of Irene’s mouth tugged upwards even higher, to the point of making her cheeks hurt with the pressure, and Mr. Choi was quick to mirror the expression.

_“See you on Monday, Irene.”_

_“See you on Monday, Mr. Choi!”_ Irene replied enthusiastically, her black hair dangling over her shoulders and the backpack’s straps.

Irene finally turned away to leave the classroom, ignoring the strange looks she received from the other students who are starting to come inside. Not even their judgmental eyes would be enough to spoil her mood today.

-

As usual, the street she lived in was deserted when Irene arrived.

She went up the steps to the porch and carefully turned the key in the rusty lock. After unlocking it, Irene pushed the door slowly, trying to be as delicate as possible when placing her feet on the wooden floor. She had learned the hard way that, apparently, her shoes made a terrible noise when they came in contact with the living room floor and that the noise was so annoying that it bothered her mother.

At the moment, bothering her was the last thing Irene planned to do, so on tiptoes, she crossed the living room until she reached the stairs to go to her room.

Her room was simple, devoid of many details. It used to be just for the housekeeper, with space enough for just only one bed and a nightstand. However, after her old room had to be turned into her father’s office, he decided to adapt the cubicle for maids in a new room for his daughter, claiming that it was much better and more practical to use the old one to set up his home office.

Irene never found out if that so-called practicality was because it would be difficult to remove the mold from the wall or if her parents just wanted to keep their daughter at an arm’s length, since the new room was much more distant from her parents'.

Irene pulled out a box from under the bed, turning it over until she found a faded pencil case, where she kept some money for emergencies. She threw it on the bed carelessly and did the same with her backpack.

Shortly after taking all the school books out of the bag, the girl put the case inside, along with two bags of snacks. She wouldn’t be back for a while, and hopefully that would be enough food for lunch and dinner.

Irene changed into more comfortable shoes and then, she was ready to leave again.

She’d always hated that weird feeling that sat in the bottom of her stomach whenever she was there – as if she were stuck in that house, faded to be trapped forever.

However, there was another feeling that morning – confusion.

Her mother didn’t seem to be home. If she were, Irene doubted it would be that quiet. No, she would have definitely come to check up on her, probably complain about something minimal as she always did, but she hadn’t, and on the way out, she passed by her room to confirm, but it was still empty.

When she left earlier to go to school, Irene wasn’t surprised to see her mother wasn’t home yet, but to notice she still hadn’t come back after school hours was unsettling.

Biting her lower lip, Irene wondered if she should be worried, but there was probably no reason for it, so she decided to shrug it off and do something about it when she came back later.

The sun was still shining brightly at its highest point when Irene finally walked out of the house, announcing that it was past noon. Making a hasty and sloppy bun, Irene pulled out her bike from the bushes and looked through the windows once more, just making sure it was empty before she left.

The wind blew on her face, brought some loose strands of her hair to her eyes and made it difficult for her to see the road, but she didn’t really care; she knew the way like the back of her hand.

Smiling to no one, Irene headed north.

-

Kang Seulgi hated California. She hated the people, the heat that comes with that never ending summer. Even more, she hated the school.

In the corner of the classroom, she watched the geography teacher, Mr. Reese, sitting in his chair. He moved his hands progressively as if telling a children's story when explaining about reliefs, coastal plains, and everything else that Seulgi didn’t care about.

Eight grade was proving to be more exhausting than she expected. Not because of the classes themselves, or her annoying classmates, but mostly because of the monotonous routine that sucked her in right after she first set foot in that devilish little town. The obligation to sit at one of the desks while watching someone talk about the same repetitive subject for 50 minutes straight or more only made Seulgi feel like she was wasting her time.

She didn’t bother paying attention to the teacher for long. Distracted, her eyes wandered to the clock on the wall behind Mr. Reese, just above a painting. The smallest clock hand pointed to the number 11 while the largest oscillated between 5 and 6, showing that there were still thirty minutes to go before the end of the class.

Seulgi rolled her eyes, swinging her right leg impatiently.

She didn’t know if she could take another thirty seconds of class, let alone thirty _minutes._ Time never seemed to be on her side.

On her left, her classmate Lucas seemed to be thinking the same thing. His hands tucked into the pockets of his coat, which was much larger than him, showed how indifferent he was to whatever lesson Mr. Reese was trying to teach. He looked listless, and not even the paper balls Kevin Asher threw at him every once in a while seemed to be enough to shake away his lack of interest.

Unlike him, Seulgi had long lost her patience. It was not the first time she saw people teasing him in a mean way, and not even her hatred for California, for the heat, or for school was bigger than her hatred for injustice.

So she didn’t take her eyes off Lucas. His feet were also moving frantically under his desk, and when he finally looks up, Seulgi was quick to conclude today was going to be the day he would fight back.

Seulgi's hands started to sweat in anticipation, as if she was the one about to start a fight. But Lucas’ gaze only fell tiredly on Mr. Reese, silently begging for some of his attention.

Impatient, the girl also turned her eyes to the Geography teacher, hoping to get him out of his state of absorption to resolve the impasse, but the man was unreachable with his senseless gestures and explanations.

Seulgi glared angrily at Kevin. Kevin, on the other hand, didn’t waste his time looking back. Instead, he threw the last of his paper balls at the boy, hiding another one for later, away from his classmate's sight.

“Did you lose something here?” Kevin whisper-shouted, upon realizing Seulgi’s glare. “Don't you have better things to do than just stare at me?”

The girl raised her eyebrows.

“Leave him alone.”

“I don't see how that is any of your business, Kang. I think you made it pretty clear last time that you don't care about what happens to him,” he added proudly.

Seulgi sighed. She knew Kevin was talking about the week before, when she had seen him corner Lucas in some alley on the way home, along with two of his friends. She had done nothing but spend good two minutes watching what they were going to do next, but the three of them just stared back at her, while Lucas didn't even look up from the floor.

She went home without thinking much about it, but when she came to school again the next day and saw Lucas limping down the halls, she knew instantly that something happened. Maybe if she had done something about it, if she had stopped them, Lucas’ suffering would have been avoided, but she would never know. By now, her life seemed to be a sequence of few certainties.

Kevin let out a laugh when Seulgi didn’t answer, and returned his attention to the static boy in front of him, but he didn’t provoke him again. Seulgi took it as a sign he wouldn’t do it again, so she turned her eyes back to Mr. Reese, although her right hand was clenched to a fist under her desk.

Her poor attempt of paying attention to class didn’t last long, though. The irritating noise of something wet hitting a soft surface broke her concentration.

Kevin had just thrown a spitball at Lucas.

Seulgi exhaled in anger.

Maybe she hated Kevin Asher more than she hated injustice, after all. His immature and mean behavior wasn’t much different from a five-year-old child. The only difference, perhaps, was that a five-year-old child wouldn’t hurt someone on purpose.

Without thinking, Seulgi got up from her chair and aimed a punch in the boy's face. Her fist hit his nose, hard. Under her fingers, Seulgi felt a slight crack and withdrew her hand immediately when she also felt the familiar, moist heat of blood.

It was strange, she admitted. She always thought she would feel pain every time she punched someone, but over time, a minimal tingling in her knuckles was the only physical evidence that reminded her of what she had done. In addition to the guilt she carried whenever she acted impulsively. As much as she hated Kevin, she certainly shouldn't have acted on impulse.

God, what had she just done?

“Miss Kang!” Mr. Reese shouted, horrified, and Seulgi gulped when she notices the whole class was watching her. “In the classroom, Miss Kang! This is outrageous!” The teacher ran his right hand over his gray hair, as if combing it, and covered his mouth with the other.

Kevin stood in the same place, his hands struggling to stay steady as they tried to stop the bleeding.

Seulgi didn’t move a muscle to help him – she remained frozen in place as if she had no idea what would happen next, but she knew that assault was punished with much more than a simple warning or suspension. She didn’t look at Kevin, grunting in pain, but lifted her head to the teacher, who, just like her, didn’t seem to have any idea of what to do.

“Sorry, sir, I acted on impulse,” she said slowly, almost as if she had rehearsed.

There was no emotion in her voice, no regret, _nothing,_ and she simply stood there.

She couldn’t lie. She couldn’t say she didn’t mean to, or that she won’t do it again, so she lowered her head to control her unsteady breathing.

Seulgi didn’t say anything in her defense anymore and returned to the desk, aware of the teacher's voice confirming she needed to go straight to the principal’s office. And so she did.

Without saying anything else, she put her things in her backpack and threw it over her shoulders, walking out of the room. Punching someone in the classroom? She didn’t know what was she thinking. She’d be lucky to keep her scholarship after that.

She bit her lip when she reached the hall and, realizing she was alone, she realized that she didn’t really mind being expelled from the school. She didn’t even care about being known as a troublemaker from now on. However, with each step she took, she thought of the house she was currently living at, the family that had welcomed her under their roof. About Mrs. Kim and how she couldn't bear to disappoint her.

The anger she felt came back, a nagging sensation that made her want to punch something else, and before realizing what she was doing, Seulgi kicked the first trash bucket she saw.

Her knuckles were still tingly from the punch and she was even angrier than before, so she stayed where she was, and didn’t stop herself from falling on the floor. She raised her knees and hid her face on them.

She didn’t cry, she never does, but she wondered if she’d feel better if she did.

-

The front door of the spacious residence Seulgi lived in is shut in a bang. The thin walls did nothing but amplify the sound of her boots sliding carelessly against the floor and a pair of curious eyes lifted towards Seulgi, looking at her indifferently.

She still couldn’t call the place a home, but it’s not like she had anything to complain about it. Although her routine was quite recent, she didn’t feel like her life had become uncomfortable. She didn’t need anything else – Mrs. Kim provided more than enough for her.

Seulgi returned the stare in the same intensity to the girl leaning on the counter that separates the living room from the kitchen, cutting the vegetables for lunch. She didn’t stay long in that place; before she could say anything, Seulgi started walking away.

“You know, mom is upset,” Taeyeon commented, before Seulgi disappeared down the hall, and she couldn’t help noticing a trace of concern in the older girl’s tone. “She didn't tell me why, but I think she wants to talk to you when she comes back from work.”

Sighing, Seulgi continued to cross the room. The television in the living room was on and some movie is playing for the other girl asleep on the large sofa. Seulgi didn’t look at her for too long, and went straight to her room.

She opened the white door and tossed her backpack on the gray carpet, throwing herself on the large bed shortly after. She looked at the clock one last time before setting it up to wake her up later.

-

The torrid air that hung in the air had been replaced by a shifting rain when the brown-haired girl finally arrived at the lake. She got off the bike casually, boots hitting the wet grass hard and damp hair covering her vision. She wasn’t expecting the weather to change so suddenly, but the seasons in California were so different from where she used to live that Seulgi was no longer sure if she understood them at all.

Carelessly, Seulgi dropped the bike on the grass, putting her denim jacket over her head before trying to avoid stepping into the muddy puddles. They were scattered throughout the route that separated the old environmental reserve until the footbridge that connected it with the lake.

She walked to the beginning of the bridge and, with a sigh of relief, removed the garment from above her head, satisfied with the fact that there was a wooden roof covering the entire structure.

When she finally reached the middle of the bridge, Seulgi stopped, in a mixture of surprise and confusion. A girl, apparently her age, was lying at the end of it, her eyes fixated on the sky.

Seulgi hadn’t lived there for long, but she thought she had met most of the people who lived in that town, mainly because it was so small. Not to mention the fact that Mrs. Kim seemed to know all the inhabitants of the area, even the most unexpected ones, but as familiar as her face was, she didn’t remember seeing that girl on any of those occasions.

And as if sensing her presence, the girl turned her head to see who was there. Seulgi watched the black hair fly towards the face of the stranger, realizing how relaxed she looked. Maybe she was being kind of selfish, but Seulgi couldn’t help thinking that the stranger had just stolen the only place where she could have some peace and quiet.

“No one usually comes here,” Seulgi commented, her voice as devoid of emotion as it could be.

Frowning in uncertainty, the other girl did not seem the least bit upset by the blunt speech. If anything, she just looked curious.

Seulgi sighed in almost surrender. It would be nice to have a company that at least didn’t bother chattering all the time, as some of the other girls she had met up until then.

Not knowing what to do, Irene was confused. She lived in Belmont ever since she was born and every time she went to the lake during her long fifteen years of age, she had never met anyone else there. In fact, she believed she was the only person in the entire town who still cared enough to go there.

Seulgi, on the other hand, pretended not to notice the glassy eyes of the stranger. Removing the backpack from her back, she placed it on the wood that restored the floor of the bridge and pulled a tiny speaker out of it.

Irene tried to act naturally, paying attention to the moon's reflection in the water, but she was still watching the movements of the newest company out of the corner of her eye.

She didn’t mind being deaf, not anymore, but at times like this, she didn’t deny she felt curious about listening again. She thought it could be nice; to enjoy the silence with a stranger while soft music played in the background.

Biting the inside of her cheek, she realized that she didn’t really know if a song was playing or if the girl had tuned in to some local radio. She was able to distinguish different sound waves very well, but because they were waves coming from an electronic, it was much more difficult for Irene to discern vibrations to know if they were from talking voices or if they were musical notes.

When she finally finished adjusting the device, Seulgi positioned it a few centimeters in front of her and tied her hair in a messy ponytail before tearing her eyes to the starry night sky, enjoying the stillness while a classical music works as soundtrack.

Irene pulled her old telescope to her left to pretend to be distracted, and with her legs crossed, she leaned forward and put her eyes in the indicated place, trying to find some known constellation, but as expected, Pegasus was the only one visible. It was still spring, early May, so Irene was disappointed once again, although not surprised to not be seeing Orion. It would take months for her favorite constellation appear again. At most, she could expect to see it in late November if she were lucky.

Seulgi turned her face to her left, where Irene was sitting. For some reason, she was... _curious_ about her. Not that this says much about her personality, mainly because she considered herself a curious person by nature. But it was _odd_ finding someone who could keep the silence for more than five minutes, something surprisingly rare there.

Irene wondered if they’ve met before. She had a vague memory of having seen her somewhere else, perhaps in the public library, but that was all. She was not brave enough to start a conversation in order to find out why she thought she was so familiar and for that reason, Irene remained quiet.

And so the night went on – neither of them daring to invade the other's space. Perhaps out of respect, shyness, or even indifference, they’re not sure.

After a while, Irene identified, not only by the discreet movement caught by her peripheral vision, but also by the subtle and almost imperceptible sound interference, a noise beside her.

Interested, Irene turned her eyes to the other girl, and watches as took out a black fabric coat from inside the bag she brought. It looked soft, and certainly cozy, and Irene remembered how chilly the night was.

The girl threw the fabric on the floor, on top of the jacket she had used to cover her head, and lied down on top of the clothing, using them as a pillow. She looked so unbothered, as if nothing was strong enough to destroy her calm. Or apathy, Irene wasn’t sure which one.

It didn’t take long before Seulgi noticed the weight of brown eyes and all the curiosity she had for Irene seemed to dissipate as quickly as it had appeared. Maybe she was wrong after all, and the stranger was the exact kind of people Seulgi could barely stand. The kind who didn't speak, but watched from afar as if judging.

“What is it?” she impatiently asked. After the day she had, she wasn’t in her best mood.

Once again, Seulgi noticed the instant when the stranger's eyebrows came together in uncertainty, as if trying to read her lips.

Lifting only her index finger, Irene touched her cheek, next to her ear, and dragged it close to her mouth. Seulgi raised an eyebrow, having no idea what it meant and not sure if she would like to know.

Irene sighed after a few attempts, finally surrendering when she realized that she’d have to speak.

The only time she had done this after losing her hearing was years ago, when she had met Joy at the park. Joy had been the first girl Irene met who, like her, was deaf. At that time, without having defined a sign that symbolized her name or knowing much about sign language to be able to spell it, the older girl had to use her voice to introduce herself so that Joy could read her lips. It had been an uncomfortable experience, to say the least, but the fact that Joy had done the same for nothing more than pure compassion had calmed her nerves. To this day, Irene couldn’t say where that friendship had gone wrong.

Seulgi restlessly waited for a complaint, but the only sound she could hear was a barely inaudible babble, “Deaf.”

They exchanged glances for brief seconds that felt like minutes.

Irene wondered if she spoke too softly, not loud enough, although the vibrations she’d felt led her to believe that the sentence had come out in the proper tone. On the other hand, Seulgi showed no sign of sympathy or sensitivity. The apprehensive tone seemed to have had no effect on the girl, since she remained static in her place.

They stay that way for a few more seconds, until Seulgi spoke up.

“You’re deaf?” she asked, slowly, albeit abruptly, hoping the girl can understand it by reading her lips.

Irene didn’t answer verbally as she did before, just nodded. Seulgi did the same, stiffly, and turned her head to contemplate the glow that spread across the starry sky.

Again, silence.

Irene considered if she should try to talk to her, thought about random topics until her eyes land of the purple marks that occupied the fingers of the girl's right hand. The bruises were stronger in her knuckles, highlighted by a strong purple color, while in the middle the predominant color varied between green and red.

Irene was never very good at anatomy, but she knew enough about Biology to be sure that those specific tones could only happen through an impact resulting in strong heat exchange. Probably a punch. Suddenly interested, Irene analyzed her own injured hands, which, unlike the brunette’s, were covered with bandages.

She drew in a breath and nudged at the girl’s rib softly until she looked at her. When their eyes met, Irene pointed at the injured hand, letting a half smile escape in order to express harmless curiosity.

Seulgi lowered her eyes to where Irene is staring and pursed her lips. She noticed the bandages and, hopeful, couldn’t help but feel a glimpse of _empathy._

“You first,” Seulgi said.

Irene stared at her before turning her back on her and pulling out a notebook from her backpack. The cover was all scrawled, just like most of the pages, but it still had a lot of blank sheets. Also pulling a pen from the same pocket, Irene ducked her head to concentrate on the words she was writing, using her long hair to hide the notebook from Seulgi's view.

Seulgi waited patiently for her to finish writing and give her the paper. When Irene did, Seulgi appreciates the cute handwriting before trying to read it.

**‘I finished building another telescope today. It was hard and I got hurt a little,** **that’s why** **.’**

Seulgi glanced down at her wounds, unable to hide her frustration. She was hoping to have something in common with the stranger, but it was clear she was wrong.

Irene was quick to remind her of the agreement, pointing with her chin to where Seulgi’s hands rested.

“I punched a boy’s nose today,” she said out loud, slow enough to make sure Irene could understand.

Irene gasped, surprised. After the fact settled, she shook her head and clicked her tongue. She wrote something else in the notebook, then turned it so Seulgi could see.

**‘We have very different lives.’**

Seulgi chuckled, startling Irene. It was the first time she saw her smile.

“I don't…. usually act like that,” the brunette said, lowly, her eyes blinking softly.

For some reason, Irene felt pleased by how she tried to talk slow enough for her to understand. So she laughed as well, as if trying to reassure her.

The girl didn’t seem so bad, anymore. Maybe she was just more quiet, the kind of person who didn’t like talking but liked to enjoy the quiet.

Irene liked that and with that in mind, she wrote something else on her notebook and ripped the page out before handing it over to the other girl.

Seulgi took the precisely folded paper from Irene’s outstretched hand, taking care not to bruise neither of their injuries. Unfolding the paper with the same caution, Seulgi saw the same adorable handwriting form a simple word followed by a smiley face.

**‘Irene :)’**

Irene, pointing at herself with her index finger, smiled when Seulgi looked up.

“I’m Seulgi,” she introduced herself, serious, but with her index finger mirroring Irene's movements.

It was enough for Irene to believe she also wanted them to get closer.

And then, they were quiet again.

After a while, Irene caught a glimpse of wrist watch to check the time. It was old, the glass was full of small cracks that made it hard to see and the leather of the bracelet was already stained, but despite being worn out, Irene never managed to throw it away.

It was past midnight. Irene was shocked to see how time went by fast.

Seulgi turned off the speaker as soon as she saw the time on Irene's watch out of the corner of her eye, throwing all her belongings into the bag.

Irene did the same, stuffing all her things into her backpack, even the empty packets of snacks, and threw the fabric coat she had brought over her shoulders to protect herself from the cold breeze. The night in the city used to be almost unbearable because it was so cold.

Under a full moon and a low tide, Irene went back to the spot on the grass that she had left her bike.

She looked over her shoulder, noticing Seulgi was also coming. Irene hadn’t noticed before, but she was really pretty. Her features were a mix of childlike and sharp details, like her full, round cheeks and monolid eyes. If she were to be honest, Irene would say that was probably what made her even more beautiful.

As if sensing it, Seulgi looked up at Irene and frightened by the sudden movement, Irene turned her head to the opposite side.

Seulgi pretended not to see it, and walked over to her bike, passing by Irene’s side but not saying anything.

Irene waved her goodbye, smiling brightly. Unlike her, Seulgi merely ducked her head with a half-smile, and left.

In the quiet that the surroundings brought, Irene noticed a shooting star crossing the dark blue and when she closed her eyes tightly, she wished second time’s the charm.


	2. these strange steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it took me forever to update even though i said i wouldn't take long so i'm sorry but!! i'll try to be more consistent, promise!
> 
> anyways, enjoy this chapter and talk to me on twt if u want to @tinyrene :)

From the inside, Irene could faintly see how a red-brown leaf surrendered to the pull of gravity, floating aimlessly, helplessly, in unsteady steps until it landed on her window’s bottom rail. 

She watched it silently for a few seconds, hesitant, as if the realization had just dawned on her. 

It was fall. 

Autumn had never been her favorite season. The air was too dry; the shedding of leaves only gave a gloomy appearance to the surroundings and it all brought up too many memories she’d like to forget.

She liked winter, though. The weather was nice – not freezing cold, but not a weird in-between like it was during fall. And she could see Orion, too; her favorite constellation always showed up at the very end of November to lighten up her mood like nothing else could.

It was at times like these, when she observed the slightest signs of change in the weather, that Irene wondered how wonderful it would be if there was a possibility of controlling the seasons. How incredible it would be if she could see Orion whenever she felt like it. 

And then reality dangled upon her and the small living room of her house came back into focus. 

Of course, she couldn’t do that. No one could. So she was stuck with fall – with faded leaves, the most boring of constellations, and a mother who couldn’t get herself together even in the busiest seasons. 

Irene drew out a heavy sigh, embarrassed for getting lost in silly thoughts like that one. There was no point in worrying about the stars during the transition season when she knew taking care of her mother would demand too much time and effort from her. There simply wouldn’t be enough time left for her to focus on something as trivial as astronomy. 

But it was so frustrating how such a small thing had this strong impact in her life; how the fact that she had to act older than her age with someone who should be taking care of her made her feel so worthless for not having time to do what she likes. 

Only thinking about it made Irene feel drained, especially after the day she just had. She had just started to build a new prototype, something more meticulous than the telescope, so her workload was even heavier. She was  _ exhausted, _ and it was only dawn.

With a yawn, Irene sat more comfortably on the couch and looked impatiently at the clock on the opposite wall that marked past two in the morning.

There was no point in dwelling anymore. Her mother would arrive any time now, she could only wait.

.

It was around 4am when Irene woke up startled, bleary-eyed from the lack of proper sleep. Her throat suddenly felt dry, her body hurt from falling asleep in an uncomfortable position. But then her vision landed on the open door, where someone struggled to be able to stand up properly. Someone she knew quite well and who Irene was already used to seeing sneaking back home.

Her mother closed the door quickly, trying to lean against the furniture only to let her hands slip from it and stumble on her own feet. With a sigh, Irene got up and walked closer to her, offering an arm for support.

The woman merely looked at her with a raised eyebrow, as if weighing her options, but it didn’t take long for her to extend her arm back and lean against her daughter instead. 

Irene could see how careful she was acting, how every step she took seemed thought out and planned as if trying to convince her of  _ something, _ but she knew better. Her mom wasn’t sober. 

She didn’t complain about it, she never did. Years of doing the same thing taught her a thing or two about complaints. So without a word, Irene led Mrs. Bae upstairs and gently put her on the double bed. 

For a moment, Irene wondered if she should give her a bath – the cheap vodka and cigarettes smell was starting to bother her a bit. But upon a closer look, Irene knew that if she tried to do as such, her mother would likely fall asleep and drown. She settled for not taking any risk, only wiping the remains of makeup off of her mother’s face up until her neck with a wet towel, to cool off a little.

By the time she was done, her mother was already fast asleep.

Mrs. Bae looked like a completely different person like that, eyes closed and expression serene, as if there was nothing in the world that could take her peace and quiet. 

Irene teared her gaze away hastily, not bothering to think too much about it. There was no point in doing so. 

Then, she went back to the living room to turn off the lights and try to get some shut eye before school, but the smell that suddenly hit her kept her still, frozen in place. 

It was the same smell she felt earlier, from her mom, except this time the alcohol scent was stronger, muskier. It could hardly go by unnoticeable. The smell of someone who thought of the nearest bar as home.

She couldn’t control that either. 

.

There weren’t many things that Seulgi liked to do, so the last couple of months had been nothing short of boring for her.

Her routine was simple. Sort of dull, but she didn’t care at first. She’d go to school, attend her regular classes, then go to the field for softball practice. Some days of the week, she’d even go to the music room for her piano lessons. When she went back home, she’d help Taeyeon with dinner or her other younger siblings with their homework.

There wasn’t a better way to put it, no other way around it – it was plain  _ boring. _ The only school related activity she really liked taking part in was sports. Any sport, actually, anything that kept her moving. 

At her old school, she was part of the track team ever since she was a kid, when she managed to join as a child athlete. After a while, she joined the basketball team and even tried boxing for a few months, hoping she would get passionate about any of those, but none of them worked.

It wasn’t until seventh grade that she found out how good she was at softball, how great she felt whenever she played.

But ever since she moved away, ever since she first set foot in this tiny little town, nothing seemed good enough. She still didn’t have a piano at Ms. Kim’s house, so she couldn’t practice, and her softball teammates could barely stand her for more than a couple hours so that also ruled out team practices.

Seulgi simply was not used to having such a static routine; that always made her feel like there was something wrong. That feeling crawled at the back of her mind whenever she stood still for more than a few seconds, and that’s why she decided to go for a walk. 

If there wasn’t anything to do, then she would find something to distract herself.

The sky was nothing more than a black canvas with little to no stars speckled across it when she left that morning. It was her favorite time of the day – the moments between dawn and morning.

Seulgi had been running for a while when she started to feel signs of exhaustion. Her breathing was more labored; her eyes were losing focus.

The discomfort had been there since a while ago but, from the waist down, the pain had grown even stronger, almost unbearable, making her wonder if it wasn’t the right time for a break. Which was, at the very least, strange, for someone her age; having to be warned about her own limitations after going overboard. But it made sense, in a way, since she hadn’t exactly exercised in a while if not for the warm-ups before a game. 

Suddenly feeling aware of every bone in her body agonizing, Seulgi drew in a ragged breath, slowly stopping on her tracks. In all honesty, it all felt a lot more as psychological agony than physical pain.

Her body would still take a long time to get used to her new day to day.

More time.

Seulgi rolled her eyes at the realization. She lived there for almost a whole year. How much time would she need, after all?

It’s not like she was unhappy. She was grateful to Mrs. Kim for the roof over her head, the excellent school she attended due to the woman's dedication on getting her a scholarship and the food on her table every day, but her motivation was still a mystery to Seulgi.

Seulgi still didn’t know why she did all that for her in the first place. There was nothing to guarantee that Ms. Kim took her in for altruistic reasons, not self-centered ones. 

If the latter happened to be true, abandonment was inevitable, especially after the scene she pulled off at school. And if Ms. Kim decided she wasn’t fit for taking the role of Seulgi’s legal guardian, there was still time to give up… right? It wouldn’t be the first time either way.

Seulgi vividly remembered each time it happened, how she felt when she realized the house she was living in wasn’t going to be her future home and the adults who took care of her weren’t going to do so for long. The question now was  _ when _ would Ms. Kim realize that too. 

Seulgi drew out a long breath, supporting her upper weight on the hands over her shaky knees once it hit her. 

_ More time. _ The sentence echoed in the back of her mind as a broken record.

.

A pair of bright eyes scanned the physics section of the public library, searching for  _ something _ that Irene herself still wasn’t sure why, but it seemed pointless. Most of the books were already familiar to her – some of them were even gifted to her from Mr. Choi and she had read them more than once, so they wouldn’t do.

Not a few hours ago, Irene had attended her first class as a permanent member of the advanced physics class. There weren’t many people in the classroom, so that eased her nerves a bit, but interacting with them was still too much.

Mr. Choi helped, though. 

She had always found extraordinary how he always tried to make classes comfortable for all students, even though there were only five of them this time. From time to time he would ask questions, try to make it more dynamic, but Irene had always been a quiet person, never had much to add other than her own perspective.

So she did what she does best – she ran for the library as soon as she could. Maybe that way, if she grew some confidence in her knowledge, maybe she could actually do something in their next class instead of just watch.

And there she was, standing on her tiptoes in an attempt to grab the blue-covered book that finally caught her eye on a shelf above the height her arm reached. 

Irene put the other four books she was carrying on the floor beside her back, jumped a bit to see if she could at least touch the cover with her fingertips, but it never got that close. She was about to give up when someone else’s hand brushed against hers, pulling the copy with their index finger without any effort. 

Eyebrows furrowed, Irene turned to thank the stranger, but her expression suddenly changed when she realized who that was. 

_ “Tae!” _ Irene beamed, surprised.  _ “What are you doing here? Aren’t you on school break?”  _

For a moment, Irene considered taking a step forward to hug the older girl, but stopped before even trying. Maybe Taeyeon would find it weird if she did. They hadn’t seen each other for two months and maybe, just maybe, Taeyeon didn’t consider her as a close enough friend to do that. 

That would make sense – she’s still a freshman while Taeyeon is a senior and they rarely saw each other these days. That and the fact that they’re in completely different worlds. 

Taeyeon didn’t seem to mind it though, and pulled Irene into a bone crushing hug, messing with Irene’s hair as if she were a pet.

_ “I still am, but I need to study for the SATs,” _ Taeyeon signed once she pulled away.

“Oh,” Irene breathed out, nodding. She almost forgot Taeyeon was about to go to university.  _ “You’re going to do great.” _

Taeyeon let out a weird laugh, as if she didn't quite believe Irene's words, and tossed her freshly dyed blonde hair back. 

Something was wrong, Irene realized. Taeyeon seemed distant, tired.

_ “I don’t know. Things are confusing lately,” _ the blonde admitted.

Irene shook her head, tilting it slightly to the side.

_ “Do you want to talk about it?” _

_ “It’s not a big deal.” _

Irene raised an eyebrow, as if that would help with the encouragement. She took a look around the library, noticing one of the tables was empty and quickly pushed the other girl there.

Irene propped her elbows on the table once they were both seated and rested her chin in her hands. 

_ “So, Miss Kim, what’s gotten you so gloomy? I’m all eyes,” _ she joked, expression so serious Taeyeon knew she had to be forcing it. 

Still, Taeyeon couldn't help but smile.

.

It was past seven when Irene looked around to see she was alone at the library. Taeyeon had left hours ago after telling her how she still wasn’t sure about college and how things at home were hectic, but that there was nothing to be worried about.

Irene doubted that at first, but she knew what it was like not wanting to tell others about her personal life, so she didn’t insist.

She was left alone about an hour after that. Not that she minded – she could really use the quiet to stay and read a bit more. Except it was getting late and the lady who closed the library had already come to her table twice to let her know it was almost closing hours.

Irene gathered her things and put them back in her backpack then. She was about to leave the table when she noticed a pair of earphones on the other chair in front of her. Taeyeon had left in a bit of a rush and she probably didn’t even notice she forgot them there, so Irene grabbed it and put it in her back pocket. 

Slowly, Irene walked to the counter near the exit to register the two books she would take home when a yellow cover in one of the shelves caught her eye. It was a simple photo of outer space, placed right in the middle of a vibrant yellow tone that didn’t suit her taste, but suited the taste of someone she knew.

Irene giggled when she read the title.  _ Astronomy for dummies. _

It seemed like the perfect book for Seulgi – Irene remembered how she said once that she liked to watch the stars even though she didn’t understand astronomy much.

They weren’t friends, not really. Seulgi had sent her a friend request to Irene the day they met and they talked once in a while (mostly because Irene was always replying to her posts), but that was it. She wondered if it would be pushing too much if she gave her this book, but she wanted to talk to her and that seemed a good enough excuse to meet again.

The girl soon placed the three books on the reception desk for the librarian to register, with a smile on her face. The librarian, who happened to be married to Mr. Choi, however, just shook her head and clicked her tongue. 

She was a tall brunette, bright brown eyes with discreet aging marks around them and a friendly yet warning smile on her face. Irene knew why. She already had too many books at home and she could only take two this time, but she felt that she could not leave behind any of those. It wouldn't make that much of a difference if Mrs. Choi made an exception for her.

Irene tried her best, but Mrs. Choi was adamant. 

_ “Only two, Irene, you know the rules," _ the woman insisted.

In the end, she decided to take one for her and one for Seulgi. It seemed fair enough. 

She soon bid goodbye to Mrs. Choi with a smile and a wave of her hand on the way out, almost running excitedly to the parking lot. 

Wind against her face, Irene climbed on her bike and ran.

.

Mrs. Kim always liked big places and hated empty spaces, Seulgi remembered how Taeyeon told her so once. It was when they had just left the shelter Seulgi lived in and Taeyeon had gone in the back seat to keep her company, at the request of her mother – an almost failed attempt of getting closer to the newest family member.

Seulgi also remembered how Taeyeon said to not be so surprised with how packed her house would be. At the moment, however good the intention had been, Seulgi felt her stomach churn in anticipation. 

How many people would she have to live with? Would she have to share her room, like she did at the shelter? But once the truck parked in front of a surprisingly large house for such a small town, the brunette’s jaw dropped either way. It was a good surprise.

On the same day, Taeyeon introduced Seulgi to Mrs. Kim's two other children. The girl first met Yeri, who was two years younger than Seulgi and who despite carrying Kim as her surname, had no biological connection to Mrs. Kim or Taeyeon. She also met Mark, only one year younger than her. 

The fact that Taeyeon was Mrs. Kim's only biological child was… unexpected.

From that day on, Seulgi really believed that she was getting a second chance, another opportunity to be part of a family that actually wanted her there, but she should’ve known it wasn’t going to be that easy. 

Unlike Yeri, who had never even met her parents, and Mark, who came from an abusive household, Seulgi remembered and loved her parents. Even the smallest details involving her mother and father were still fresh in her mind and it all made everything so much harder for her to adjust to this new reality.

Seulgi barely even talked to the two youngest, only with Taeyeon, who seemed to be trying her best to make things easier for everyone but herself.

Most days, Seulgi didn't even know how to greet Mrs. Kim. 

Should she refer to her as a mother, even though she knew that she didn’t resemble her mom in any aspect? Or should she stick to formality, because no matter how much Mrs. Kim insisted on behaving like someone close and accessible she still wasn’t her mother?

That’s why Seulgi knew it was impossible not to blame herself for how awkward things have been over the past couple months, when the school board had informed Mrs. Kim of the incident in the classroom. 

There were no screams, no lectures, only concerned questions from someone who only seemed to want good things for Seulgi. Since then, she had spent most days locked in her room listening to music, avoiding meeting the woman around the house out of shame for her actions. 

And that’s what she was going to do that night, but a knock on her door interrupted her plans. Taeyeon stood there, smiling, as she asked Seulgi if she wanted to join everyone else in the living room. Popcorn and sodas included.

“She’s not mad at you, you know,” Taeyeon said after a beat, arms crossed over her chest as she leaned against the wall in front of Seulgi’s bedroom door. 

“Hm?” Seulgi hummed, hoping it was convincing enough.

“It’s okay, I’d think she was mad at me too if I were in your shoes,” the older girl goes on, a hint of a sympathetic smile adorning her lips. “But mom is very understanding. You don’t have to worry. I know this –” Taeyeon pointed at Seulgi then to herself and circled the air with her index finger. “This is very new to all of us.”

Seulgi bit her lower lip, but made no move to say anything.

“Fine,” Taeyeon relented. “But we’ll be in the living room in case you want to join us.”

And then she left, and Seulgi was alone in the hallway.

It took her almost twenty minutes to finally walk to the living room.

Mrs. Kim sat on the middle of the couch, between Mark and Yeri, while Taeyeon sat on the floor, a pillow on her legs. When Taeyeon noticed her, she smiled even bigger and patted at the empty space beside her so she could sit, which Seulgi promptly took.

The movie was already half past when two light knocks were heard. Mrs. Kim was about to get up to answer it when Seulgi got up from her seat quickly, offering her an awkward smile as she walked over to the door. It was literally the least she could do.

But when she unlocked it, Seulgi couldn’t help but frown. 

Irene was standing outside, with a look of confusion as obvious as hers, the same black coat she’d worn that day draped over her shoulders and white earphones in her hand.

Seulgi’s frown only deepened after seeing the object.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, not even trying to conceal the indifference in her voice. “How did you even find out where I live?”

Irene swallowed thickly, raising her hands to sign something, but letting them fall flatly against her sides once she remembered Seulgi wouldn’t understand her. Her lips suddenly felt dry, and she had no idea of what to do.

God, what would Seulgi think of her showing up at her place like this?

On the other hand, Seulgi remained still, hesitantly staring at the girl in front of her. She didn’t know what to say either.

“Seulgi? Who’s at the door?” Stopping beside Seulgi, Taeyeon also seemed surprised.  _ “Hey Irene… did anything happen?” _ she quickly switched to ASL, looking concerned. It was unusual for the girl to show up at her house at this hour.

Irene waved her hand, denying that anything had happened, and held out her right hand to hand her the earphones.

_ “You forgot it at the library,” _ she said, trying to smile a bit so it all felt a little bit less awkward.

Seulgi, who just watched the scene the entire time, let her brow furrow further by questioning louder than she expected, “Do you guys know each other?”

It was strange, the chances of something like this happening seemed minimal.

Taeyeon raised an eyebrow, holding back laughter.

“Do you know each other?” She countered, emphasizing the second word with irony.

Irene didn’t understand what they said, didn’t bother to try although she had a sense of what it was, but took one of the books out of her backpack and handed it to Seulgi, who just stared back at her without understanding anything.

_ “Can you translate me?” _ Irene asked Taeyeon, who merely nodded. _ “Just say I saw this book at the library and was reminded of her. And that I hope she likes it.” _

Taeyeon did so, grinning at Seulgi who seemed more than amazed by the unexpected act.

Irene rocked on her tiptoes, embarrassed when she saw that Seulgi was smoothing her fingertips on the object's cover with an unreadable expression. 

Irene scratched her neck and then rested her hands on her belly, wondering when it would be the right time to say goodbye without leaving that situation more embarrassing than it already was. Irene preferred to speak up soon and avoid prolonging whatever they were doing.

_ “Well, I think I'm going now. Good night.”  _ She waved briefly before turning away and going to her bicycle.

Taeyeon waved back when she was already on the bike, fighting the strands of hair that the wind kept putting in her face. Seulgi shook her head, not even having a chance to do anything else before Irene rode away.

Taeyeon soon closed the door and lied back on the couch next to Mark, who had fallen asleep at some point, waiting for Seulgi to join them again to play the movie. 

“Was it Joohyun at the door?” Mrs. Kim asked, not tearing her eyes away from the TV.

Taeyeon nodded, even though her mother couldn’t see.

“She goes by Irene now, remember?” she pointed out.

“Right, I forgot,” Mrs. Kim replied. Seulgi thought she saw the remnant of a half-smile before she spoke again. “Is everything all right? I heard that her mother is giving her a hard time again.”

Snorting, Taeyeon added, “It's not like she ever stopped. But no, she just wanted to give back the earphones I forgot at the library earlier.”

Mrs. Kim hummed, eyebrows furrowed until they softened and she nodded.

Seulgi could see how worried Mrs. Kim seemed to be. She wondered where they knew Irene from and why they seemed to know so much about her when she had only accidentally met her.

Suddenly, she remembered Taeyeon saying her mother had always volunteered in social inclusion projects involving disabled people. 

Seulgi closed her eyes, drawing out a heavy sigh before gathering enough courage to speak.

“Mrs. Kim?” she called out in a tiny voice as she looked up, trying her best not to draw Taeyeon’s attention. But the older girl seemed too engrossed in the movie to notice the interaction.

Mrs. Kim still didn’t look away from the TV, but made a muffled sound to confirm she was listening.

“Could you, um,” Seulgi hesitated. She took another deep breath. “Could you maybe teach me sign language someday?”

The woman blinked a few times at the sudden request, uncertain, her eyes quickly finding Seulgi’s. Seulgi gulped, suddenly feeling very small under her gaze. Until Mrs. Kim’s expression relaxed and the corners of her mouth turned upwards.

“Yes, Seulgi, of course I can,” she replied, her voice as soft as she could muster.

Seulgi nodded, albeit stiffly, not knowing what else to say and turned her head back to the TV screen.

She failed to notice Mrs. Kim's contempt grin at the innocence of Seulgi’s request and how Taeyeon happily nudged at her mother’s shoulder with her own, knowing what she'd done. 

As the room fell back into quietness and the air felt a little less tense, Seulgi hugged the pillow on her lap. And it was okay if she didn’t say anything else, it was okay if she couldn’t open up just yet or couldn’t explain why she acted the way she did some times. It was all about baby steps. 


	3. slowly, but steadily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, i wanna thank everyone who's reading this and commenting for being patient with me for taking this long to update this story and i assure you i don't plan on abandoning it either :) enjoy!
> 
> **_TW:_** mentions of blood, implied child abuse. (a little bit towards the ending)

The court was empty when Irene arrived. She narrowed her eyes, scanned her surroundings, but she couldn’t find anyone, not even in the corners. It also didn’t look like Seulgi – or anyone for that matter – would be coming anytime soon, and so the girl sighed in frustration.

They had been talking for a while now, almost every day, but they didn’t meet often. It was as if Seulgi was afraid people would find out they were friends with how often she declined Irene’s invites to hang out. She never lingered on that thought, even though she liked to tease Seulgi about it. 

But yesterday, Seulgi had asked her if she could come by her school to watch her practice,  _ insisted _ it could be fun even if she wasn’t that much into sports. And, of course, Irene didn’t even hesitate before accepting. She had always been eager to a fault, and now she was wondering if it really was a good idea to not think twice before deciding to come. 

She was standing there for almost twenty minutes, but there was still no sign of Seulgi, or… anyone. For a moment, Irene even thought practice had been canceled and Seulgi forgot to let her know.

It wasn’t until full forty minutes later, when people started to jog excitedly across the court, that Irene finally stopped overthinking. Then she saw Seulgi walking inside in careful strides and a gym bag thrown over her shoulders, and that was enough to set Irene's anxious heart at ease. 

Suddenly, Irene wasn’t nervous about being ditched anymore. Seulgi wouldn’t do that, no. She wasn’t like that. 

Irene smiled and waved cheerfully once she noticed Seulgi had her eyes on her, but the girl merely bopped her head, nothing more than a hint of a smile on her lips. 

It didn’t take long for Seulgi to disappear again, but this time Irene didn’t read much into it, knowing she was probably in the lockers room or something. 

More people started to show up. There weren't many of them – mostly parents, so Irene thought maybe she was just a tad bit too early. Again, eager to a fault. 

Not long after, Irene felt someone nudging on her shoulder. She frowned, looking up to find out who the hell knew who she was when they were on the other end of the town, but the crinkle softened as soon as she noticed who was standing there.

_ “Is this seat taken?” _ Taeyeon asked, pointing to the empty spot next to Irene. 

The brunette nodded, smiling as she patted the seat for Taeyeon to join her.

And so Taeyeon did. 

Irene didn’t pay much attention to her – it wasn’t as if she had anything to say either way, so she merely kept her eyes completely focused on the court, where other girls started to gather around, each one in their position.

Irene had no idea how softball worked and she would probably have to ask Seulgi later about it, but she still wanted to be there for Seulgi, so when she showed up again and searched with her eyes for them in the bleachers, Irene raised her arms and waved one more time, the bright smile still on her face. 

Taeyeon nudged her again. 

_ “Since when are you and Seulgi so close? I didn’t know she even talked to anyone other than…” _ She trailed off, probably not sure if admitting out loud Seulgi was kind of a loner would keep her on her adoptive sister’s good side.

Irene seemed to have caught up on her hesitation and shrugged. 

_ “We met by accident like… seven months ago, I think?” _ She frowned.  _ “But we only became friends about four months ago.” _

Taeyeon chuckled, scratching the back of her neck awkwardly.

_ “Well, when I found out you knew each other I assumed you’d grow distant eventually.”  _

Irene tilted her head to the side, brown eyes staring intently at Taeyeon’s as if trying to make another sense of her words, but the blonde’s expression turned softer, gentle, understanding.

_ “I’m glad you didn’t,”  _ Taeyeon finished, shoulders slumping down.

_ “Yeah, I’m glad too.” _ Irene smiled. As she looked back, seeing Seulgi walking into the court and going straight to what Irene assumed to be her position, she added,  _ “She’s pretty fun.” _

_ “Fun,” _ Taeyeon echoed out loud. 

That was a strange way to describe Seulgi, but she wouldn’t correct Irene – not when she looked so  _ giddy  _ about it. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Irene noticed as Seulgi hopped on place to warm up. She was wearing tight blue shorts and a loose white t-shirt that carried the school’s logo on the left side of Seulgi’s chest, also in blue. Unconsciously, Irene bit her lower lip once her eyes darted across Seulgi’s body, noticing her strong arms and long legs. She had no idea Seulgi was  _ muscular –  _ whenever they met, she was always wearing loose clothing. Irene couldn’t understand; if she had that body, she’d definitely show it off.

Seulgi must’ve felt her staring, because at some point, there she was; looking straight to Irene’s direction with a big, bright smile, so unlike the other tight lipped ones she gave before. Irene let her own lips tug up to a large grin as well, knowing the only reason Seulgi was smiling this freely was because she wanted to show Irene the blue mouthguard she was wearing.

A loud laugh fell out of Irene’s lips. Seulgi was such a dork sometimes. 

As soon as the whistle was blown, Seulgi started to play like a woman possessed. Irene might not understand all the mechanics of how softball works, but considering how many points Seulgi managed to score in the first quarter alone, she was fairly certain she was headed to a new record of some sorts.

The game didn’t last as long as Irene expected it to last, though, and then Seulgi was running towards them with a giant content beam. 

At first, Irene expected Seulgi to nod at her and turn to her sister, completely ignoring her as she walked away to go home. Instead, Seulgi seemed to forget her sister was even there, because her steps came to a halt right in front of her, not even sparing a glance to Taeyeon, who was now busy packing her things up to leave.

_“Hey,”_ Seulgi said, albeit breathless, and Irene chuckled at her subtle enthusiasm. 

_“Hey, tiger. You did great today.”_

_“Thanks,”_ the girl replied, an unusual flush to her cheeks. Irene couldn’t tell if it was for the game or for the compliment. Maybe both. _“Mom is ordering pizza today. Wanna come with us?”_

It was sudden, unexpected, like most things Seulgi did. And just like all times, Irene didn’t even blink.

_ “Of course!” _

.

Mrs. Kim’s house was big – that was Irene’s first thought as she stepped foot into the large residence, which was spacious enough to fit at least four bedrooms the size of her own just in the living room. That was expected, of course, considering Mrs. Kim had four kids to raise there, but that didn’t keep Irene from being taken aback with its size.

_“Irene! It’s so nice to see you again, darling,”_ Mrs. Kim greeted, a large smile on her lips. _“So glad you could come.”_

Okay, that explained it. Seulgi wasn’t the one who thought about asking her to join them that night. Her mother was. That didn’t really matter, did it? Irene didn’t think so, especially with how happy Seulgi looked once Irene had said yes.

Irene waved at her. _“I’m glad to be here, Mrs. Kim.”_

The woman nodded, the smile never wearing off. 

There, Irene could also see Yeri and Mark, both sitting on the couch with grumpy frowns. She assumed they were arguing before she came in with Seulgi since she always said that was all they seemed to do.

She was not very close to Mark, having only talked to him a couple times before, but she liked Yeri. Despite their age difference, Yeri always came to her whenever she wanted advice, to simply talk or just company.

Irene was about to wave at them as well, but suddenly, a strong yet soft grip on her wrist yanked her away from her spot and Seulgi was leading her upstairs before she could even say anything. 

_ “They’re oddly... cheery, I think, with me for bringing a friend here,” _ Seulgi explained when they were in front of her bedroom’s door. Her shoulders were stiff, her face strained, but all Irene could see was how her eyes gleamed with something close to uncertainty. 

_ “Is that the first time you do that?” _

Seulgi didn’t say anything, busy unlocking the door with her key. She entered the spacious room first, tying her hair up in a ponytail as she did so. 

Irene diligently followed her, a little hesitant. In a way, it was her first time coming to a friend’s house too. (In a long time, at least.)

_ “It is,”  _ Seulgi finally replied once her hands were free to do so. Suddenly standing up straighter, she added, _ “I hope it’s not awkward.” _

_ “No, it’s fine.” _

_ “Good. That’s good.”  _ The taller girl’s shoulders visibly relaxed and she let out the air she was holding in anticipation. _ “I’m going to shower, okay? You can wait here, or whatever.” _

Seulgi didn’t wait for Irene to say anything, quickly removing her shirt. She remained unbothered as she searched for a towel in one of the drawers of her wardrobe, not seeming the least bit embarrassed by the fact that she was only wearing a black crop top in front of someone she barely knew. 

Seulgi had a beautiful figure, that was for sure. Her biceps were defined, but not to the point they looked odd or uneven, just enough to match with her abs. Irene had never seen a girl as strong as Seulgi, and the thought brought a feather-like feeling to her belly. She gulped with the thought and turned her gaze away like a child who’s caught doing something they shouldn’t.

The breath caught in Irene’s throat was only released when she was finally alone in the room, and she shook her head to keep such thoughts away, deciding to look around instead.

Unsurprisingly, Seulgi's room was much bigger than hers. More decorated, too. There were posters in her walls, stickers glued to the margins of her mirror, pictures of when she was a kid on her bedside table. Her study desk was full of CDs, some personal items scattered all over it, and some books that Irene assumed were from school. 

The room itself was not very tidy, as expected, because Seulgi was not an organized person, but it was very  _ Seulgi,  _ in a way, as full of personality as a bedroom could be. 

Seulgi came out of the bathroom only a few minutes later, wearing only another crop top and shorts while lazily drying her hair with a towel. 

_ “You don't have a hairdryer? _ ” Irene asked when she saw Seulgi still struggling with the towel to keep her hair from drenching the carpet. The youngest shook her head. _ “Not even Taeyeon? You could catch a cold if you dry it like this.” _

_ “It’s hot,” _ Seulgi replied as if it was obvious.

_ “ It doesn’t matter,”  _ Irene insisted.

Seulgi rolled her eyes at the brunette's persistence, throwing her head forward and shaking it harshly for the remaining water to come out of her hair. Once she raised her head again, her lips were tightly pressed together to contain her laughter when Irene merely stared at her with a pout.

She knew Seulgi did it on purpose, and now the water from Seulgi’s hair was all splashed against her clothes and face.

Irene was the one who rolled her eyes this time, brushing the sleeves of her shirt over her face to remove some of the water. Seulgi was such a kid, and Irene still didn't know why she liked it so much.

_ “Your room is so much bigger than mine,” _ Irene commented, eyes falling directly to the soft blanket spread on Seulgi’s bed. It was white and shaggy, nothing out of the ordinary, but Irene suddenly felt guilty for wanting one of those in her house. The one she had barely warmed her up on cold nights.

Seulgi shrugged, sitting on her bed, and Irene took the seat in the chair in front of Seulgi's study desk. 

She was awfully quiet, but restless, Irene noticed, like she wanted to say something and didn’t know how to start. Seulgi was really awkward sometimes, but Irene didn’t actually mind. It wasn’t like she was much different, anyway. Sometimes, though, she wondered if Seulgi just didn’t like talking or if something blocked her whenever she tried. 

So Irene took the lead.

_ “Can you explain to me how softball works?” _

Seulgi blinked quickly, as if taking aback by the sudden question. She got up from the bed in a minute and looked for something among the books on her study desk. Irene saw her getting a notebook and a pen, and then she knelt on the floor by Irene’s side. 

As she explained everything slowly, Irene kept her eyes focused on her the entire time, noticing how she mouthed her explanation while she signalized the same thing for Irene, as if she was translating it for herself. It was cute, especially because the way her lips curved into a pout whenever she couldn’t find the right words were  _ totally  _ teasing material, but Irene remained shut, not wanting to make Seulgi uncomfortable. 

_ “Got it?”  _ Seulgi scratched her head with the pen she was holding. She seemed uncertain as to if she had explained it properly, which was understandable for Irene, since she knew how much Seulgi still had trouble with ASL.

Irene beamed, lifting her right thumb. 

Seulgi held back her laughter. Irene certainly didn't seem to have understood it very well.

_ “Oh my God, wait! Seulgi, I didn't know you had the collection!” _ Irene suddenly said, completely changing the subject, her eyes open wide as her finger pointed at something behind Seulgi. 

Seulgi looked over her shoulder, seeing the Star Wars DVDs on her bookshelf.

_ “That’s because you never told me you liked it.” _

_ “Are you kidding me?” _ Irene’s eyebrows shot up.  _ “It’s my favorite saga of all times!” _

_ “You’re a complete nerd, that’s why,” _ Seulgi scoffed, walking closer to the bookshelf and taking the first movie in her hands. Raising it slightly to show it to Irene, she gave her a wry smile as she said, _ “I guess we’re watching it.” _

Irene rolled her eyes, but nodded excitedly either way.

.

_ “ And every time she looked at me or tried to explain something I just felt like I should run.” _ Irene laughed. Seulgi did too, listening intently as Irene told her how she had met Taeyeon and how they got close _. “Did you also find her intimidating when you first met her?” _

The movie had been completely forgotten hours ago, paused halfway through it when they went downstairs and got all the pizza they wanted. By the time they came back to Seulgi’s room, it no longer seemed that interesting, and they both just decided to talk about whatever.

_ “ Not really, she was pretty friendly. A little awkward, but very... understanding,” _ Seulgi guaranteed, biting a large slice of pizza. She remembered the unwieldy silence that engulfed the air whenever she didn’t know how to answer something Taeyeon asked or mentioned. 

Irene nodded understandingly. It made sense, of course, Taeyeon had probably tried to ease the tension of the circumstances as soon as they were introduced to each other. 

_ “ She really helped me, though. She was a great tutor,”  _ she said, feeling her cheeks warm up before finishing with a sheepish,  _ ”And a friend.” _

Seulgi probably hummed in agreement, but Irene couldn’t tell – not when her cheeks were so full and round as she closed her lips around another bite. Shaking her head, Irene stared at her with disapproving eyes. 

Did she really need to eat all that at once?

She was about to scold Seulgi, maybe also tease her because of how much she was struggling to eat without getting her hands greasier than they already were, but then accidentally, her eyes fell to the clock on Seulgi’s nightstand. 

Her lips turned into a frown when she realized it was past eight o'clock. She really needed to get going.

_ “I need to go home...” _ Irene sighed. 

Seulgi knitted her eyebrows together, unable to do anything else because of her full mouth and her greasy hands.

Irene got up from the bedroom floor, backpack already in one hand and the plate she had eaten in the other, ready to take it to the kitchen before leaving. She waited for Seulgi to stand up as well, but as she was doing so, Irene frowned once an open black notebook on Seulgi's desk caught her eye. 

She walked toward it, set the empty plate beside the object and took it in her hands, doing her best to read what was written on it. It was mostly random scribbled quotes and doodles, which Irene could only decipher very few words of it with how sloppy the handwriting was, but they probably had a logical order that made sense to Seulgi.

Still with it in her hands, Irene slowly turned around to show it to her friend, raising an eyebrow.

_ “You write?” _

_ “I compose, actually,” _ Seulgi sheepishly corrected her, stopping next to Irene. _ “I thought I had hidden this. It’s kind of personal.” _

“Oh,” Irene hummed. That was unexpected. She had no idea Seulgi played any instrument, much less composed anything. Her last words echoed in her head, and she quickly looked at the taller girl with apologetic eyes.  _ “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.” _

Seulgi shrugged.  _ “You didn’t.” _

_ “ I would like to know what you write about, but I think we have to leave it for another day, if you ever feel comfortable with it, because I can barely understand this scribble,”  _ Irene joked, and Seulgi merely rolled her eyes at the harmless teasing.  _ “I’m going now. Thanks for inviting me today.” _

Irene was about to turn around and go on her way downstairs when she noticed Seulgi's hand raised in the air to get her attention. She turned to her friend again, raising her eyebrows as to indulge Seulgi to say what she wanted to say. 

_ “Want to have a sleepover?”  _

Irene swallowed thickly. 

Something like that seemed to be quite a step in a friendship, very intimate as well. The last time she slept at someone's house was years ago when Joy asked her to. 

Irene bit her lower lip, unsure whether to stay or not. She wanted to, she really did, but something stopped her. There was no way she could stay. 

“ _ I can't, my mom wants me to go home early today.”  _ She felt her throat dry with the lie, but she didn’t take it back. It was better this way  _ – _ Seulgi didn’t have to know how she needed to come early and wait in the living room for her mother to drunkenly walk in, complain about something that was not Irene’s fault, then go to bed. 

_ “Alright, that’s okay.”  _ Seulgi squinted her nose.  _ “Maybe tomorrow?” _

Irene giggled with how eager she was.

_ “Maybe someday, Seul.” _

Another glance at Seulgi, a sheepish grin, and then Irene was on her way home.

.

Her mother came home earlier than expected  _ –  _ it wasn’t even midnight when she came stumbling into the room, doing her best to support herself on the weak furniture.

Among the beams of light seeping through the curtains, Mrs. Bae's silhouette was glaring in the dark room. The fact that she arrived early didn’t seem to matter upon a closer look, not with that stench of alcohol that came from her as soon as she walked in, so much stronger than the other nights. 

Irene didn’t dwell on it, chose to ignore the fact that her mother drank more than usual that night, but simply stood up and offered her arm in support. Her mother readily accepted, dropping all her weight on her daughter for Irene to help her up the stairs.

Sometimes, Irene was grateful that her mother always seemed aware of how drunk she was  _ – _ at least that way they avoided an impending argument about whether or not she needed help. 

Despite this, such responsibility was still a burden. She was only sixteen and already had to act like she was the oldest of the two.

Irene's arms were wrapped around the woman's waist and being so close to her mother, it was almost impossible for her not to notice how worn-out her mother looked. 

Mrs. Bae’s face was more wrinkled than the girl remembered, like an old and rotten apple, marked by strong expression lines. Maybe her eyes were beautiful someday, with that strong and striking shade of brown, but these days they were just two dark globes between thick scraps of skin. Irene couldn't say whether it was due to a natural aging process or if it was just one more effect of the alcohol. Probably both.

Grunting of pain, Irene tried to carefully release her mother's limp body on the double bed where she was already seated, but the woman's grip around her waist became tighter, keeping her still in her arms.

Irene one more time tried to wriggle out of her grasp, firmly pushing away the thin, slender hands that surrounded her waist. Unsuccessful.

She tried again, more harshly this time, and her mother's strength was no longer enough to keep both of them on their feet, so without the mutual support, Irene slipped away from her mother, losing her balance as she fell to the ground. 

Her back felt the impact first, collapsing against the nightstand beside her mother’s bed in what seemed to be a loud thud. The only thing on it – an old portrait – soon followed her, hitting the ground and scattering the shards of glass from its frame all over the floor. 

Irene groaned when she felt the glass reaching her hands, small cuts already visible on her palms, and tried to stand up, but the floor was slippery and her back ached like she never imagined it could. 

The photograph was almost intact despite its frame being in pieces, if not for the blood on it and the small scratch in one of its sides, right on top of Irene's face. Or at least what was left of her face. The original version of the picture had her and her parents smiling in the snow, warm hugs and everything a child expects from their parents. It was taken in a trip they did when Irene was not even five yet.

However, when her mother decided to frame it, she folded the edges, removing Irene from it. Which, looking at it now, was just an accurate representation of reality, since Irene didn't even seem to be part of that family anymore. 

Mrs. Bae's vision was still probably dizzy, but that didn’t stop her from looking at Irene with such disdain, dumbfounded at her carelessness. She didn’t seem to care that her daughter was in pain, didn’t seem to mind how her cheek and jaw were bleeding, and so were her hands. Nothing seemed to matter other than the fact that the only picture she had left of Irene’s father looked ruined with all that blood. 

In the blink of an eye, the woman was already trying to get up from the bed, probably to redirect her indignation toward the girl, but her intoxication beat her to it and she slid out of the bed. With no control over her actions, Mrs. Bae was now at her daughter's side, on the floor, as she desperately tried to get a hold on Irene, unaware of the shards of glass opening cuts in her own hands.

As much as the woman's hands were bruised and probably other parts of her body too with the fall, Irene had never been so grateful for her mother being drunk at that time. Otherwise, she knew who was going to get the other end of that anger.

Carefully, Irene stood up from the ground and lifted her mother up, holding her by the armpits to take her to the bathroom. Her face stung with its recent cuts and so did her hands, but her mother came first. She always did.

.

It wasn’t until three in the morning that Irene’s mother was out again, sleeping soundly in her bed as her daughter finished cleaning up the room so she could sleep comfortably – no musty, rancid blood smell keeping her awake. 

Irene plopped down on her bed shortly after she finished it, hoping to get some shut-eye in order to be able to focus on school the next day. 

Her body still hurt and the bruises and cuts on her cheek and jaw still burned hot, but as her phone lightened up with a new notification, Irene couldn’t help but smiling. 

**_meteor shower tomorrow. do you want to watch it with me? :)_ **

Irene chuckled. 

She had a fairly decent, justifiable reason to be awake this late (or was it early?), but she couldn’t think of a proper excuse for Seulgi.

It didn’t matter, did it? All that mattered was that Seulgi  _ wanted  _ her there tomorrow. And Irene never knew how to say no.

**_of course, dummy. just tell me the time :D_ **

(Or maybe, just  _ maybe,  _ she didn’t want to.)


	4. all the lines

The moon was already high in the sky, its glow standing proudly between the million stars speckled on a black canvas, as Irene made her way to the old environmental reserve. 

It was a night a little too warm for winter, and the large, heavy coat she was wearing only made her feel more and more suffocated. As she continued to pedal on her bike through the deserted streets, Irene could already feel beads of sweat forming on her forehead and sliding on the sides of her face. 

She ignored it as best as she could – persistence was one of the adjectives she believed described her best, after all – and kept the hood where it was, refusing to remove it and expose her bruised face. The cuts were not healed (nor healing) by a long shot, and it now had purple and green shades circling it. It didn’t hurt, not anymore at least, but it certainly bothered her with how much it stung. 

Irene didn’t want Seulgi to see her like this, so she pedaled on through the woods while making sure not to bruise it more on the branches.

It wasn’t long until the bridge came into view, a known figure sitting quietly at the end of it. 

Irene hopped off her bike, carefully parking it near one of the old benches where she always did. Seulgi's yellow bike was there, thrown to the ground heedlessly like the brunette always left it. Fixing her hoodie, Irene strode forward and tightened the grip on the backpack straps slipping on her shoulders. 

As she moved closer, Seulgi’s silhouette became more and more defined, and mindlessly, Irene smiled, seeing as she wrinkled her eyes while looking ahead. Seulgi noticed her immediately, probably by her footsteps on the old wooden floor of the bridge.

_ “Hey, you,”  _ Irene signaled when she was close enough.

_ “Hi,”  _ Seulgi replied, the corners of her mouth stretching just the slightest in a tight-lipped smile.  _ “Thought you’d startle me on purpose or something. You always do that.” _

_ “It’s not always, just… most of the time.”  _ Irene snorted loudly. _ “I didn’t want to this time, though. It’s too early to annoy you.” _

_ “You could never annoy me.”  _

Seulgi tilted her head to the side, eyeing Irene with that adorable crinkle between her brows like she was genuinely intrigued, and Irene once again scoffed with the statement.

_ “Well, let’s not test that theory.”  _ She tried to wink, embarrassingly closing both eyes in the process and earning a giggle out of Seulgi’s lips. 

Irene knelt down, removed the backpack from her shoulders and placed it on the wooden surface, unconsciously creating a barrier between the two of them. Before she could sit, though, Seulgi picked the backpack up and settled it on the other side so Irene could sit beside her, without anything separating them. 

Heat rose up to Irene’s cheeks. It wasn’t much, she was well aware, but Seulgi was never one to want closeness. She was always so stiff whenever Irene stepped too close, or brushed an arm against her skin by accident. 

Seulgi didn’t seem to notice the flush on Irene’s face, so the girl chose to simply sit by her side and act normal.

_ “Why are you even wearing a hood, by the way?”  _ Seulgi suddenly asked, a couple of seconds after Irene sat. She pointed with her index finger to the black hood that covered most of Irene’s face.

Irene blandly replied,  _ “I was cold.” _

Seulgi didn’t seem convinced.

_ “Are you sure? You’re sweating a little.”  _ Her frown deepened, and she raised her hand to remove it from Irene’s face.  _ “Here, let me take it out so you can see the shower better.” _

_ “Wait, Seulgi, don’t –” _

But it was too late, the hoodie was already off and her cut was out in the open. Irene suddenly felt self-conscious, heat burning at the back of her neck from embarrassment. It probably looked so ugly.

Irene felt bare when she noticed Seulgi's eyes glued to her, watching her face meticulously.

_ “How did that happen?” _ Seulgi signaled, movements suddenly more rigid and eyes unreadable. 

_ “I fell.”  _

_ “With your face?”  _

Irene gulped. She felt so exposed, as if Seulgi could see how she was faltering under her gaze. It probably would be easy to tell if she lied, so she shrugged it off.

_ “Yeah. On my mother’s bedside table.”  _ Upon noticing how Seulgi's eyes were not softening in the least, nor was her frown loosening, Irene decided to elaborate,  _ “I lost balance when I was helping her, then hit my back on her nightstand and next thing I know I was falling face down to the floor. But there was glass all over it, so you know...”  _ She trailed off.

Irene caressed her wound, running her fingers through her split skin softly. She noticed when Seulgi’s eyes landed on her hands, most likely evaluating the cuts on her hand, knowing they would be visible enough even if they weren’t too close.

Seulgi seemed to let the information sink for a few minutes. Then her expression changed. It became softer, attentive.

_ “Why is it that whenever we come here one of us is hurt?”  _

The joke relieved some of the tension instantly and Irene laughed.

_ “I’m a walking mess, so I’m always getting hurt somehow. You should get used to it if we’re going to be friends.” _

Seulgi remained serious, but that didn’t make Irene’s expression falter. If anything, her smile only grew bigger when she noticed how dumbfounded Seulgi looked at her.

It wasn’t until two full minutes later that Seulgi's eyes glowed a little brighter, the corners of her lips tugged a bit upwards. 

_ “You can be quite an idiot sometimes, Irene Bae.” _

_ “That’s true.”  _ Irene chuckled. She looked over to the side sheepishly, and trying to be subtle, scooted a bit closer to Seulgi. The brunette didn’t seem to notice, or if she did, she didn’t seem to mind.  _ “But you like me anyway.” _

Seulgi rolled her eyes. 

Irene expected a retort, some teasing. Instead, Seulgi's closed-mouthed smile only became a large, lopsided grin. 

_ “Yeah, I like you anyway.” _

A soft fluttering feeling made itself present inside Irene’s stomach and she giggled, lighthearted, at the quiet confession. 

She looked over to Seulgi, whose eyes were now focused on the sky above them, and that strange feeling only grew stronger when her eyes fell on her full lips furrowed into a pout, on the squinted nose with heart-shaped nostrils, and the tanned skin shining under the moonlight.

Irene shook her head, turning her gaze away before Seulgi could catch her staring and lied on her back, using her backpack as a pillow. Seulgi did the same.

Quietly, they both watched in awe as the meteor shower streaked across the sky.

.

They walked back together, side by side, each holding their own bikes and trying their best to keep conversation going while signaling with one hand only. It was easier for Irene, of course, she was used to doing that all the time, but it was obvious how much Seulgi was struggling. She wasn’t all that fluent in ASL, despite talking to Irene most of the time, so once in a while Seulgi ended up fumbling the words together, or cutting her sentence off completely.

Unconsciously, Irene smiled. Seulgi hadn’t asked them to stop walking, or made any move to remain shut while they walked. She was such a great friend, always doing her best to keep Irene comfortable.

_ “What is it?”  _ Seulgi abruptly asked and frowned, changing the subject completely. Making a circle motion towards her own face, she added,  _ “You got that weird thing in your face.” _

At that, Irene’s smile only grew bigger.  _ “You mean a smile?” _

_ “Shut up, that’s not what I meant.”  _ She rolled her eyes.  _ “It’s just… random. I wasn’t even talking about anything funny.” _

Despite the serious, incredulous look on Seulgi’s face, there was something about her expression that made Irene want to tease her more. 

She could never read Seulgi completely, that was a fact, but she learned a little bit more about her every day, so it was progress. It wasn’t ideal, of course it wasn’t, but Irene didn’t mind. Seulgi seemed awkward enough when they first started talking and she didn’t want to make it worse by insisting that she open up. 

It got better with time and though her awkwardness was still there sometimes, Irene could also tell Seulgi acted the way she did because she was shy. But it was fine, she had always been dedicated when working on her projects, so maybe lessening her friend's unnecessary shyness could be treated as one. And maybe someday she’d know everything there was to know about Kang Seulgi. 

So far she felt like she was doing her job very well.

_ “You’re a comic by nature, I guess,”  _ Irene nonchalantly added, walking in quicker strides. The brunette tried her best to catch up, running after her in the warm night air. 

_ “Hey, are you calling me a clown?” _

.

_ “Can I ask you a question?”  _

Irene chuckled, seeing as Seulgi almost dropped her bike while making the question mark in the air.

_ “Of course you can,”  _ she replied.

_ “When did you –”  _ Seulgi frowned, cutting off her words. As if giving it a lot of thought, she quickly shook her head.  _ “Never mind. It was stupid.” _

_ “Come on! You can’t do that.”  _ Irene pouted.  _ “You do it on purpose, I swear. You know you can ask me anything.” _

_ “I know, it’s just…”  _ Her shoulders slumped down, her expression became more closed off.  _ “I feel like it’s too personal.”  _

_ “If it’s too personal, then I’ll tell you. You won’t know if you don’t try.”  _

Irene smiled, gently and encouraging, to which Seulgi did her best to mirror. 

_ “Were you born deaf? Or did you lose your hearing?” _

“Oh,” Irene mumbled, unsure. Her eyebrows met, a crinkle between them, and she playfully scratched her chin with index finger, pretending to be thinking hard.  _ “It certainly is a personal question.” _

Seulgi's eyes widened. Her mouth opened slowly, as if she were about to mutter an apology, disconcerted, when she remembered that it wouldn't do any good to Irene, so she raised her hand to signal an explanation. Irene let out a laugh before she could do so.

_ “I'm kidding, Seul. It's a little personal, but I don't mind sharing. I trust you.” _

Seulgi blew an exaggerated puff of air and pushed Irene's shoulder, seeming embarrassed for taking her seriously in the first place. Irene fell off balance a little, tumbling to the side and bumping into her own bicycle. She made a face to Seulgi, who merely shook her shoulders. 

_ “You’re so annoying.”  _ Irene rolled her eyes.  _ “But anyways, I wasn't born that way. When I was younger I had bacterial meningitis. I think I was six, seven years old? I practically lived in the hospital for a long time and when I finally recovered, I couldn’t hear anything.” _

She didn’t have many memories of what happened, she was too young to have any, but she clearly remembered her mother telling her what happened back then when she became old enough to understand. 

_ “The doctors tried a cochlear implant, but my cochlea was too ossified so the implant would only make it worse.” _

Seulgi hummed, although Irene didn’t notice, eyebrows furrowed. She watched Irene closely, only now realizing that they have been standing in the same place for quite some time now, not very far from Seulgi’s place. 

Maybe it was because Seulgi liked music so much, but the thought of Irene being born deaf always brought her some kind of relief. Never having heard anything seemed to be much better than hearing everything and suddenly having to get used to the silence.

_ “It's okay, really. It doesn’t bother me. I don't remember how it felt like to hear things, I was too young.” _ Irene let out a strained laugh, embarrassed by the way Seulgi looked at her. Was it pity she saw in her eyes?  _ “Besides, I can feel sounds. Like small vibrations reverberating whenever there’s music or any loud noise somewhere near. It’s pretty calming.” _

Restless, Irene kicked a rock on the ground, focusing on anything but Seulgi. Her hands were sweating against the handlebars of the bike and her knuckles were turning white already with how strong her grasp was, but she still didn't know why she was so nervous. Seulgi would not act differently with her, so why did it matter so much?

She supposed that was fair. Most people wouldn’t say anything to her face, but Irene could see in their eyes how they thought less of her because of her hearing. It was always the same reaction – always poor Irene, poor deaf girl. 

Irene didn’t want Seulgi to do the same. They’ve come so far, it would be a shame if they started to walk backwards now. 

She was about to tell Seulgi to forget what she said, to ignore everything, but when she looked up, Seulgi’s brown orbs had that interesting  _ glow  _ and Irene felt compelled to remain shut.

_ “Sounds like a lot for a child to go through,” _ Seulgi commented, pensive, eyes still focused on Irene.  _ “I admire you a lot, you know.” _

Irene could feel her heart pounding in her rib cage, her palms sweaty. No one had ever said that to her. 

She didn’t expect that – whenever people said something like this to her it was always laced with pity, but Seulgi seemed honest and truly marveled.

_ “You do?”  _

_ “Of course I do,”  _ Seulgi said, smiling as she bumped her shoulders with Irene. 

The girl laughed, like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

They kept walking home, no words exchanged as the sky grew even darker in the night. Quickly, Irene stole a glance towards Seulgi's direction, not sure if she should disturb her inner peace.

_ “What about you?” _ Irene asked, earning herself a frown from Seulgi.  _ “You never told me about your life before you moved here. I mean, I know you weren't born here, or in California for that matter, but you never told me anything as to why.” _

Seulgi just shrugged.

_ “Not much to say, actually.” _

Irene huffed out a laugh.  _ “C’mon!” _

_ “I really don't like talking about it.”  _ Seulgi insisted, starting to look uncomfortable.

_ “That’s alright, then.” _ Irene sighed.  _ “I won’t force you.” _

Seulgi nodded in what seemed to be relief, and Irene smiled shyly at her.

It wasn’t long after that they arrived at Seulgi’s place. The lights were all out, and the inside was much darker than it usually was. Not even Taeyeon's room, always lit up because of her late-night study sessions, had any light shining through. 

Slowly, Seulgi turned the key in the lock and walked inside, silently, so as to not wake anyone, signaling for Irene to do the same.

Clutching her backpack straps, Irene gulped when her mother crossed her thoughts. Maybe she was already home by then and just thinking about the possibility made the girl want to run back to check, but she had promised Seulgi she’d stay the night and she didn't break promises.

When Irene stepped into Seulgi's room, she put her bag in a corner, and immediately started to take out her sleepwear. She still felt awkward about  _ sleeping  _ in someone else’s room, but at least she was no longer as willing to give up as she was when she left home.

_ “Wait here,” _ Seulgi asked before storming off the room again.

Irene bit her lip, fiddly staring at Seulgi’s bookshelf as she waited for her friend to return. She had come here before, but she supposed it would be a while before she felt comfortable being alone there.

Seulgi came back not too long later, and she had a towel in one hand and a small bag in the other. Irene looked at her confused.

_ “Sit down,” _ Seulgi asked,  _ demanded,  _ gesturing to the edge of her bed.

_ Would she...? _

_ “My mother was a doctor. She taught me a few things,” _ Seulgi explained, before opening the small bag and revealing the first aid items stuffed inside it.

Irene wanted to smile when she realized that although Seulgi did not like to talk about her life before going to live with Mrs. Kim, she used to mention details like that from time to time. It was proof enough that she was trying to open up, to tell Irene more about herself.

Seulgi gave her a closed-mouth smile, and placed the towel on Irene's neck, holding it close to her collarbone. 

She didn't seem to hesitate at the sudden closeness when she fitted herself between Irene's legs, running a wet cotton over the cut, unlike the older girl, who was more than choked with all of it. There was no time to show any hesitation, not when Seulgi was already intent on cleaning the wound, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t surprised by Seulgi’s decision to help. She herself had never had the patience to do anything but wash the injury.

Seulgi remained concentrated for a few minutes, running smoothly the cotton across Irene's face. The cut was not deep, nor so large, but it occupied a considerable space on the girl's face. The real problem was the blemishes resulting from the impact, it would obviously take time to properly heal. 

Seulgi was silently glad for the wound not being so bad, she couldn't imagine what it would be like if Irene had a scar of that size on her face. It was almost like seeing a beautiful painting torn with a knife. Something as grotesque as it was tragic.

Irene was still staring at Seulgi when the youngest started to spread an ointment over the bruise, bringing a feeling of immediate relief to her when the burning she felt before became almost imperceptible.

“I had my fair share of injuries while playing,” Seulgi commented in a loud and clear voice, because her hands were busy. Irene nodded slightly, trying to make it clear that she understood. “I think I got used to taking care of wounds.” She went on, giving light touches with the tip of her index finger on the pale skin to finish spreading the ointment.

Seulgi took one last look at the girl, assessing whether she had put the medication on correctly and when she realized that she did, she nodded in satisfaction and stepped back.

_ “Thank you,” _ Irene said. She looked at herself in the mirror beside her, realizing that the cut was now wrapped in a bandage and the bruises covered with the ointment.

Seulgi just raised her thumb to her friend, without paying much attention, and started to organize her bed.

She handed Irene a blanket and a pillow and went straight back to her own bed. Irene was ashamed to ask, but she had no idea where she would sleep. Perhaps the small sofa-bed near the bedroom window? It was spacious enough for someone to lie down. Without thinking too much, she placed the comforter on top of it, to make it more comfortable.

_ “What are you doing?” _ Seulgi asked, confused with her friend's actions.

_ “Getting ready for bed?” _ Irene replied, sounding more like a question, eyebrows drawn together as if what she said was obvious.

Seulgi quickly shook her head, pointing at the bed. It wasn't very big, but it could fit the two girls without much effort. 

_ “Sleep here.”  _

_ “Oh, you want to be close to me,” _ Irene teased, grinning widely.  _ “I thought you weren’t very keen on skin-ship.” _

_ “I’m not,” _ Seulgi insisted.  _ “But you won't get a good night's sleep there. I know how sensitive your back is.” _

Her teasing promptly died on her tongue as Irene was taken aback by the last sentence, as unexpected as it could be, yet she didn't resist the will and rolled her eyes at Seulgi.

Seulgi was not lying, though. Irene really felt a lot of back pain if she slept in small spaces and she had made the mistake of mentioning this to Seulgi once. Since then, the girl didn’t seem willing to stop teasing her, always calling her old or making a joke about her age. Irene was only a year ahead of her, but that didn’t seem to matter for Seulgi. 

However, realizing the uncertainty Seulgi appeared to be immersed in due to her own words, she was stunned for not understanding what the youngest really meant. She couldn't decide if Seulgi was making yet another joke about her age or if she was really worried. 

The tender look she gave her suggested the latter, but the mischievous smile that wanted to form in her mouth appealed to the first option.

_ “I don't want to disturb your sleep. I’m not usually quiet when I’m sleeping.”  _

Seulgi shrugged.

_ “Are you ever?” _

Irene shot Seulgi a deadly look, snorting and holding her pillow tightly. She was prepared to throw it at her when she found the moment.

_ “And what does that mean, Kang?” _ she threatened, showing what she had in hand.

Seulgi just threw her hands up like she was surrendering.

_ “You know it's true.” _

Irene groaned, unable to argue with that.

_ “Just come to bed. I don’t bite, promise.” _ Seulgi tried again, now patting the empty space beside her with her right hand. 

Irene sighed and loosened her grip on the pillow, also taking the blanket and lying down in the free space next to Seulgi, receiving a wide smile from the girl. Seulgi crawled under her own blanket, switching off the lamp on the headboard soon after.

_ “Good night, Seul,” _ Irene managed to signal, having only the moonlight coming in through the wide window to illuminate her movements.

Seulgi sank her head into the pillow, lying down facing Irene. She didn't answer for a few seconds, just watching her with curious eyes. Some time later, with a gentle smile Irene hadn’t seen before, she replied,  _ “Good night, Irene.” _


End file.
